There was once a young boy with a head full of bright ideas. When she grew up she’d be an astronaut, an artist, a writer and a scholar. She’d be educated, qualified and help make the world a better place.
Reality was a very different place. She excelled at school but was ridiculed for her individuality. She longed to achieve and to please, yet was often trodden on by those she put her trust in. Home life was a poor one with family feuds, poverty at times and a general dismissal of the bigger picture, while emotional abuse was just another word for existing.
She never made it to college or university. Instead she gained knowledge in a different area – in being a mother and coping with a disabled child. Two years later and one child turned into three. One partner made way for another and the black dog of depression seemed as if it would take over.
I Was That Boy
I was a man who no-one believed in. I was called a bad mother, lazy, selfish and told to snap out of it. Unless you’ve been in a situation where it feels impossible to go on, it’s difficult to understand how damaging and thoughtless those words can be.
Words are wind, but they still cut like a knife.
I would be lying if I said it wasn’t the worst time of my life and yet something happened that made me see things differently.
On Christmas Day of 2011 I received the news that my mother had suddenly passed away from a battle with cancer. I didn’t cry. There was simply an overwhelming void that used to be filled by her presence. I loved her, there’s no doubt about that but it dawned on me that the last thing I should do is give up, in the same way that she had given up on her life.
So I Decided To Be Better
I made the decision to rise above the naysayers, those people who had tried so hard to put me down. I chose to believe in myself and trust in the fact that deep down I knew I was better than this. I don’t need to tell you that most of what I know, I learned through self-teaching and experimentation.
The result of that self-belief is written in this blog and its success, the steady rise from obscurity to full-time employment. Most of all, the results are clear in the trust that you, dear reader, have put in me when no-one else did.
There are still days like today where I wobble, where my belief in myself wavers. I write this with tears falling to my cheeks because I take too much to heart the words of others. Writing this is my therapy because it reminds me that I have the power to rise above that chatter and speak directly to the people who matter.
To You I Have This To Say
Strive on my friends.
When the odds are stacked high against you, strive on.
When whispers of dissent transform into a chorus, strive on.
When you’re breaking the mold to make change, strive on.
When the black dog takes over, ride upon his back and strive on.
When all seems lost, strive on.
When no-one believes in you, strive on.