Group Fundraising
Group fundraising: we’re going to be out there soliciting on the streets of Richmond and Kingston. Begging, bribing and stealing, doing whatever it takes to achieve our goal. And we are going to bend every law backwards to make this happen. It is, you’ve guessed it, an Auction of Promises.
We have divided into 3 groups: publicity, administration and treasury (not accounting), and operations. The heads are Amy, Obinna and Emilie. So far we have a well worked system of co-operation in which every group tries to dump their work on the other.
(That’s right Amy, we are not doing post - Rachel!)
(Rachel dearest, you may think that by giving us a measly £10 in our budget for posting, which is YOUR job, we will do it. When you receive an envelope containing £9.80, (20p for the stamp) on your doorstep, you will think again – Amy)
(Amy, return to sender - Rachel).
So far in the groups, we have drafted a final budget – with a badly colour coded funds request sheet Obinna spent one hour designing, decided on the bank that we will use – Abbey (like we had a choice – Obinna worships every application form) which fits the criteria, Enis has drawn up a rather stunning flyer, we’ve looked at different venues, discussed catering, formed a timeline of the day, acquired a list of shops to harass for promises…and taken group photos. Although, as we still haven’t got all the photo permission forms there will be witness protection blurs on a few faces. With Michael and Shadi’s dad standing at opposite ends of the room, and simultaneously taking photos of our nervous group, we desperately turned our fixed – and for some of us, creepy, smiles from side to side resulting in a few pictures of us staring deeply into the wall. We ended up with a side on picture of us squatting and twisting – with one particular person hopping on the billiard table – to squeeze our faces into view, with Ram continually being hidden. Look for it soon, in a shop window near you.
(I see that Michael has kindly posted it above our blog now, so that it can be seen by all the world. I can only try my best to convince anyone reading this that we really don’t look that terrifying in real life. Although yes, Darius is possessed...)
We (your dear narrators, Rachel and Amy) are now camped in an emptying Starbucks café in Richmond after spending the day sometimes begging, other times threatening, and always shoplifting in numerous stores for promises. Whilst I (Amy) was given panicked glances, and refusals the second I entered the door, Rachel barely had to flutter her eye lids before she was offered multiple promises, and often the deeds to the shop as well. I think it was something that was strangely convincing about the pretty young blonde girl, with the inexplicably threatening “give-me-some-stuff-or-I’ll-scream” glint in her eyes.
We ended up with many beauty samples, an hour long full body massage, ½ price vouchers from headmasters and 15% off outdoor gear which we can use for when we are in Ghana. However Shadi was ready to throw punches after being told for the 15th time to, and we quote, ‘contact the head office.’ Many shops offered to call back later, and being the hard working and dedicated people that we are, we said that was no problem. To raise the money we must be ready and prepared to take any a call at any time, no matter how inconvenient. And that is why we gave them Melissa’s number.
Usually we tried to talk to the manager straight away, and Shadi was particularly keen to enforce this rule. That is until a pretty young male shop assistant caught her eye… Overall we got quite a few promising leads. I was proud of my letter that I produced, it being my only contribution to the day, so I felt it was particularly cruel when Rachel gleefully pointed out the absence of a crucial apostrophe. To my credit, I didn’t cry, but I came close.
Shops: Joy, Gant, House of Frasier and Blacks were particularly welcoming, the friendliest and extremely generous. We now suggest you use these stores for all your needs – that means everything Maponians: clothes, food, petrol etc.
However we believe it would be petty to ruin the reputation of shops that gave us a slightly more frosty reception. So we won’t mention that a certain toy shop (The Toy Station) was downright hostile, or that GAP laughed at us, just in case everyone who reads this decides that they should BOYCOTT THEM FOR LIFE. (You hear that Maponians for life, DOWN WITH GAP, LONG LIVE GANT).
Anyway, we should probably leave Starbucks now because if we do stay any longer we could legitimately demand squatters’ rights. Also, Amy just stole a plate.
(I gave it back, honest - Amy).