Skip to Main Content
Form header: Search the site

Your Sex Questions

Sex is a pretty huge subject to cover, with lots of other related sub-topics like contraception, sexuality, relationships, and more.

We've stuck some info for you here on YL, and also links to other sites which can tell you more. But no doubt you still might have a couple of questions. Below, you'll find answers to some of your most common questions about sex and your body. There are also separate pages for some specific questions that boys ask and questions that girls ask (links in the menu on the left).

Ask us

If there's something you want to know about sex that isn't covered here, then give us a shout and we'll try to answer and add it:
YoungLivin@rbk.kingston.gov.uk

You can also find a massive list of sex and relationships articles, tips, questions and answers on TheSite (link at the bottom of the page).

Alternatively, you can ask a Connexions Personal Adviser confidentially at a Connexions Access Point near you or visit Connexions Direct online.

Your Questions About Sex

Areas of interest

Sex Qs

What is oral sex?
Oral sex is a form of sexual activity involving using your mouth and tongue to kiss, lick or suck your partner's genitals. Both men and women can be sexually aroused and have organsms in this way. Many couples include oral sex as part of their sexual activities, or as an alternative to vaginal/anal penetrative sex. There isn't a wrong or right way to do it - it's best to experiment on what feels pleasurable with your partner.

Sexually transmitted infections can be passed on through oral sex, so it's a good idea to use a condom. Oral sex is also known as 'giving head', giving a blow job or fellatio (for oral sex performed on men), cunnilingus (for oral sex performed on women), and lots of other names.

Relationships Qs

What is the difference between love and sex?
There is a difference between love and sex - you don't have to have sex to be in love with a person and similarly you can have sex with people you aren't in love with.

Love is a feeling (an emotion) between two people and involves romance and attraction.

Sex is a physical event or act. There are many different types of sex, and it can happen between a man and a woman (straight sex); between two women (lesbian sex); between two males (gay sex); between more than two people (group sex); or by one's self (masturbation).

For some people, sexual feelings and love are bound together with love and close relationships. For other people, sex and love are two different things. For you - that's up to you to decide. What's important is that you feel good about yourself and what you do, and that you keep yourself safe.

Is there anything wrong with being single?
There's nothing wrong with being single. There's nothing wrong with you if all your mates are going out with someone and you aren't. Different people start having girlfriends/boyfriends at different ages.

How do you know what to do the first time you have sex?
You should only have sex for the first time when you feel that you're ready. But then how do you know what to do the first time you have sex? It's most likely that you have some idea of how sex works from sex education in school and what you might have seen in films and on TV. But in reality, real sex can be quite different - so it's worth bearing that in mind.

You should have some idea about your own body and what pleases you. What's important is that you communicate with your partner and experiment with what makes you both feel good. First time sex is often a lousy and clumsy experience, but that's OK and over time and with practice you can become a good lover.

Is it wrong to date older / younger people?
You choose who you want to go out with. Your friends and family may have some concerns if there is a massive age difference though. What matters is how you feel about dating someone who's older or younger than you are and if you're comfortable with that. You should be aware though that if you're 16 years old and above, then it's against the law to have sex with someone below the age of 16 (which is a crime known as statutory rape.)

Sexually Transmitted Infections (STI) Qs

Can you get an STI if you've only ever had sex once?
You can get infected with a sexually transmitted infection any time you have unprotected sex, even if it's the first ever and only time you have sex. to protect yourself against STIs, use a condom as protection and also get yourself tested and cleared if you suspect that you might have picked up an STI. Be careful about who you choose to have sex with, because you can't always tell if they're carrying something - some infections do not show visible symptoms, e.g. HIV.

How can you tell if you've caught an STI?
If you think that you have caught an STI, then it's best to get yourself tested by your GP or at a local sexual health clinic. You might also be able to pick up test kits at your local pharmacy for some types of infection, e.g. you can get a free chlamydia test kit at any Boots pharmacy in London if you're aged between 16 to 24.

What is AIDS?
AIDS is a condition caused by a virus called HIV which can damage the body's immune system so that it cannot fight infection. People may not even know they carry HIV and you cannot tell from looking at them if they are infected. Currently, HIV infection and AIDS cannot be cured. As well as being transmitted by having unprotected sex, it can also be transferred by blood transfusion, sharing infected needles and passed on from mother to baby in the womb.

Your body Qs

Is it wrong or dangerous to masturbate?
Masturbation (sexually stimulating yourself) can help you explore the responses of your own body and prepare yourself for sex by getting to know some of the sensations you might expect (e.g. what an orgasm feels like). Masturbating is physically harmless. There's nothing wrong about choosing to masturbate, as it is a normal sexual activity.

What is an orgasm and should this always happen during sex?
An orgasm is the climax of sexual arousal, when feelings of sexual pleasure become the most intense. Orgasms can be experienced by both males and females and are usually accompanied by muscle contractions, a general feeling of euphoria and emission of sexual fluids from the body.

Everyone is different and may or may not necessarily experience an orgasm during sex - therefore, focusing on having an orgasm shouldn't become the aim of every love-making session. Sex should be enjoyable whether you experience an orgasm or don't.

Sexuality Qs

How do you know if you're straight, gay, lesbian or bisexual?
Your body is yours to share with whomever you choose - whether you're interested in the opposite sex, members of the same sex or both, your sexuality is up to you to decide on what you feel comfortable with. If you are sexually aroused when around members of the same sex, that doesn't necessarily mean that you are gay or lesbian.

What is the age of consent for gay, lesbian or bisexual people?
The legal age of consent (the age at which the law says it's legal for you to agree to have sex) is 16 years old, and this is the same for straight, gay, lesbian and bisexual people.

Find out more

You can find more answers from the following sources:

Also see:

  • Connexions Personal Advisers
    Learn more about Connexions PAs and what kind of information and advice you can get from them.
  • Connexions Access Points
    Find out where your nearest Connexions Access Point is to drop in and speak to an adviser or pick up some information.

Related External Links:

  • TheSite.org
    TheSite has facts and articles on a wide range of topics for young people, including a vast number of answers to questions about sex and relationships.